I have come to realize over the course of the last decade or so that I am an argumentative person. I love to argue. Most people who know me know this. In fact, some of them would exclaim it loudly. I don’t argue to be hostile, to disagree for the sake of disagreement, or to be “right”. I don’t always go into a situation with the intent to argue, rather the contrary, argument is often thrust upon me. I also don’t discourage argument and on some occasions I seek it out, but only when I feel it necessary to defend a position that needs defending. I’m not one to keep my mouth shut. It used to bother me that people thought that I was argumentative. It bothered me because I, like anybody else, want to be liked. I don’t want people to push me away because I am too argumentative. I have great friends so most of the time this isn’t the case. Now, however, what really bothers me is that some people don’t understand why argument occurs in the first place. I think that there are at least a couple of reasons for this misunderstanding:
First, I find most people feel the need to express their beliefs to others. This is natural of course and I fully support that need where appropriate, but this can cause problems once someone else, who also feels the need to express themselves, does so. This seems to me to be the cause of many of the arguments I have with others. The scenario goes something like this:
Person 1: I think it’s a shame that some people don’t go to church. They are going to hell.
Person 2: Uh, I don’t agree with that…
Person 1: Why are you so argumentative all the time?
It’s a bit over simplified, but I have been in similar situations many times. What happens is that some people feel it is okay to tell others how they feel but once they do so they do not want feedback unless it is positive. I cannot, in good conscience, go along with this when I feel the topic is important. In my opinion, not speaking up is a tacit agreement and simply by saying “I disagree” is considered argumentative to these sorts of people. (I do however, dismiss statements on occasion because I don’t feel an argument at a certain time, place or with a certain person will be a productive one.)
Second, people often think that because there is argument, there is necessarily hostility, hatred, disrespect, etc. There is no reason that this should be so. I have had many disagreements with many people who I am still very close to, people for who I have an incredible amount of respect. The only time that I feel anger towards someone is when they don’t allow me to express myself after they have already freely done so.
The thing is, argument is important. It helps you decide what kind of person you are. What you believe. It can help you come to new conclusions, to learn new things, to realize that sometimes you are wrong or that you believe more strongly than you had before. It can help you think more critically. If your beliefs are never challenged you will never learn how to defend them when you really need to. Even more importantly, it helps you understand others and what they believe. Not everybody thinks like you. The world is bigger than you.
I guess, after all this rambling, my point here is: If you have a problem with others disagreeing with you I suggest you let sleeping dogs lie and keep your mouth closed.
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